What is Self-Acceptance? Details about it.
Self-acceptance implies accepting ourselves unconditionally
with all our past wrong doings and undesirable behaviors without offering
justification for any of them, as well as acknowledging the worthiness that is
inherent in each one of us.
Self-acceptance is defined as affirmation or acceptance of
self in spite of weaknesses or deficiencies. Although this term has been often
understood in a common sense way, researchers have defined it formally in terms
of positive and negative self-concepts. According to Shepard (1979),
self-acceptance refers to an individual's satisfaction or happiness with
himself, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. Self-acceptance
involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one's
strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's feeling about himself
that he is of "unique worth".
In clinical psychology and positive psychology,
self-acceptance is considered the prerequisite for change to occur. It can be
achieved by stopping criticizing and solving the defects of one's self, and
then accepting them to be existing within one's self. That is, tolerating one
to be imperfect in some parts.
It is only when one is willing to accept him or her
unconditionally it opens the door to change and eventual success in life then
comes. The things we have done in our life like the prizes we have won, the
accomplishments we have made, the various exams we have passed, the things we
have done for other people and the things we have done for us, all the
possessions we have acquired through our hard work, and our talents and
abilities. When any individual will be able to do that, he can easily accept
himself. A lack of self acceptance and its natural effect of contributing to
low self esteem results in a lower success rate in the achieving of success in
life. A person must learn to accept himself up to now because now is the time
to really start accepting his worthiness as a human being. I t is essential to
accept the fact that we will make mistakes in life just everyone else. We do
not want to deliberately make mistakes, so we can’t blame ourselves. We should
accept our mistakes as feedback which we can use to guide us to success.
Identify oneself with mistakes leads to lower self confidence. This tends only
to make oneself feel that it’s a failure. So, we should accept and apologize
for our mistakes and learn from them, most importantly refrain from repeating
them. As we make fewer mistakes, our level of self-acceptance soars.
The more an individual acts in accordance with his moral
values, the higher is his level of self-acceptance. Our level of
self-acceptance increases as we practice more of it. When we accept ourselves
as a worthy being, it gives a tremendous boost to our self-image which is
really essential to being the kind of person we wish to be.
Accepting ourselves unconditionally (despite our
deficiencies) would have been almost automatic had our parents conveyed a
predominantly positive message about us--and, additionally, we grew up in a
generally supportive environment. But if that really wasn't the case, we need
on our own to learn how to "certify" ourselves, to validate our
essential ok-ness. Independently confirming ourselves has anything to do with
becoming complacent--only that we get over our habit of constantly judging
ourselves. If deep within us we're ever to experience, as our normal state of
being, personal fulfillment and peace of mind, we must first rise to the
challenge of complete, unqualified self-acceptance.
Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, our
level of self-acceptance determines our level of happiness. The more
self-acceptance we have, the more happiness we'll allow ourselves to accept,
receive and enjoy. Perhaps more than anything else, cultivating self-acceptance
requires that we develop more self-compassion. Only when we can better
understand and pardon ourselves for things that earlier we assumed must be our
entire fault and then we can secure the relationship to self that till now has
eluded us.
To adopt a more loving stance toward ourselves--the key
prerequisite for self-acceptance--we must come to realize that till now we've
pretty much felt obliged to demonstrate our worth to others. In a sense, we all
bear "conditional-love scars" from the past. We're all among the
ranks of the "walking wounded." And this recognition of our common
humanity can help inspire in us not only feelings of habitually-withheld
kindness and goodwill toward ourselves but toward others as well.
To become more self-accepting, we must start by telling
ourselves (repeatedly and-- hopefully--with ever-increasing conviction) that
given all of our negatively biased self-referencing beliefs, we've done the
best we possibly could. In this light, we need to re-examine residual feelings
of guilt, as well as our many self-criticisms and put-downs. We must ask
ourselves specifically what it is we don't accept about ourselves and, as
agents of our own healing, bring compassion and understanding to each aspect of
self-rejection or -denial. By doing so, we can begin to dissolve exaggerated
feelings of guilt and shame based on standards that simply didn't mirror what
could realistically be expected of us at the time. The good news is that
positive self acceptance is not difficult at all when you learn to like
yourself.
Social acceptance
Social acceptance could be defined as the fact that most
people, in order to fit in with others, attempt to look and acts like them. Or
sometimes it is a term that refers to the ability to accept, or to tolerate
differences and diversity in other people or groups of people. Social
acceptance affects children, teenagers and adults. It also can affect people of
all ages with mental disabilities because social acceptance determines many
decisions people make in life. Children and teenagers tend to do a lot of
things to try to be accepted among friends, also known as peer pressure. Peer
pressure determines sometimes how they do their hair and decides what clothes
they wear. It also determines what they are willing to do to as far as smoking,
drinking, swearing, and sexual activity and much more, to be accepted by those
whose friendship they value.
Adults do some of the same things out of the desire for the
acceptance and approval of their friends. To be one of the groups, they might
do some of the same things like drinking, swearing or taking drugs just to fit
in. They base fashion on the latest tips from magazines and fashion experts.
When it comes to mental disabilities, social acceptance plays a big role in
recovery. Social acceptance is important because many people don't understand
mental illness so they don't know how to embrace their friends or other people
who have a disease, leaving these people with feelings of not being accepted in
groups of friends.
Five Principles Focusing on Self-Acceptance
a. Knowing Who I Am
The journey of self-acceptance starts with the acceptance
that we don’t seem to know much about ourselves. Our personality finds it
difficult to answer questions like “Who am I?’ and “What do I want?” True
self-acceptance is motivated by a genuine knowing that it is possible to know
what our true essence is. Self-acceptance is the process of befriending the
Unconditioned Self that is more than just our name, our self-image, our
history, our story, our failures, or our successes. We are more than just our experiences
or how other people see us.
b. Practicing Self-Kindness
Self-acceptance helps us to discern between our personality
and our Unconditioned Self. This discernment is essential for our growth and
happiness. Early on, every child starts to construct a “persona” to help cope
with the demands of being in a family, going to school, and facing the world.
On close inspection we find that our persona is made up of judgments about who
we are, what are possible, what we deserve, and what we don’t. These judgments
build a self-image, which is the lens through which we see ourselves and the
world. Judgment is not vision. Judgment is not seeing. That’s why the more we
judge ourselves the less we see who we really are. The habit of self-judgment
causes self-denigration in which we belittle in ourselves, criticize ourselves,
punish ourselves, and treat ourselves without kindness. The most powerful way
to undo the effects of self-denigration is forgiveness. Forgiveness restores
awareness of our innate goodness. Declaring that “I forgive myself for my
judgments” and Affirming “I will not harm myself today” build a trust in our
goodness. Relaxing into your wholeness and to treat ourselves with kindness is
the main way to build the true self acceptance.
c. Loving Myself as I am
In any given moment, we are either accepting ourselves or
rejecting ourselves. To put it another way, if we do not practice
self-acceptance we must practice self-rejection. In essence, self-rejection is
identifying with our personality more than with our essence. In practice, this
means we often say “No” to ourselves. For instance: “No” to our real desires,
“No” to having any needs, “No” to stopping and relaxing, “No” to making time
for ourselves, “No” to letting ourselves be helped, and “No” to loving
ourselves more.For as long as we keep rejecting ourselves; we will live in
constant fear of being rejected by others. Out of necessity, we will fashion a
persona that tries to be good, not to ask for anything, not to be a burden, to
please people, and to ingratiate itself wherever possible. Sadly, this persona
will feel “unlovable”, no matter how hard it tries to love others. The
self-rejection causes us to be mean to ourselves – no attention, no care, no
appreciation, and no self-love. This isn’t how our Unconditioned Self feels
about us. Our Unconditioned Self always loves us.
d. Being True To Myself
When we lack self-acceptance the personality begins to
compare itself negatively with six billion other people on the planet. For as
long as we refuse to love and accept ourselves we will judge that we are not
beautiful enough, rich enough, loved enough, lucky enough, successful enough,
or anything-else enough. No amount of makeovers or reinvention or new beauty
secrets seems to do the trick. Deep down we still feel like nobody, but that’s
only because we are identifying with a self-image instead of with the authentic
we. Nothing really changes until one see the real one. Self-acceptance is an
invitation to stop trying to change ourselves into who we wish were for long
enough to find out who we really are. The miracle of self-acceptance is that it
reveals our authentic beauty – a beauty that is not just skin deep.
e. I Trust Myself
Self-acceptance is solid ground. It is our home. It is where
we return to, to find ourselves again. When self-acceptance is low, our
personality experiences a ceaseless anxiety that causes us to doubt ourselves,
to be indecisive, to wobble, to question everything, and to play safe. Feeling
shaky and off-center, our personality searches outside of us for validation,
approval and authority. This outer referencing starts early as young children
learn mostly by imitation and mirroring. Self-acceptance helps us to experience
a “basic trust” in ourselves and in life overall. The more we accept ourselves,
the more we trust our inborn goodness, wise heart, and natural intuition. Deep
within ourselves, we discover our inner guidance, and a direct line to the
Divine. Self-trust invokes the highest in us. Also, the more we accept ourselves,
the more we trust that, life doesn’t just happen to us; it happens for us. In
other words, life loves us. This is what self-acceptance is trying to show us.
How to Increase Self-Acceptance
Our level of self-acceptance, or how much we like ourselves
and consider ourselves to be a valuable and worthwhile person is one of the
most important measures of who we are and indicators of everything that happens
to us. Our level of self-acceptance determines our self-confidence, courage,
and willingness to try new things. It determines the quality of our
relationships with others, our family, friends, and coworkers. When we feel
that other people think highly of us, our level of self-acceptance and
self-esteem goes up. However, if we feel for any reason, rightly or wrongly,
that other people think poorly of us, our level of self-acceptance goes down.
But before we begin enjoying the wonderful effects of high self-acceptance in
our life, we have to learn to accept ourselves unconditionally. One of the best
places to start is to do an inventory on ourselves. When we do this inventory
it is important that we accentuate the positive and minimize the negative.
We should think back through our life and review our
accomplishments. It is necessary to think about all the things that we have
achieved over the course of our lifetime. Then we should make a written list of
them. After making list of all of our accomplishments, we should make a list of
all our unique talents and abilities. Once making list of our unique talents
and abilities we should start to think of the skills that we have developed and
the results that we can achieve by applying ourselves to the challenges of our
world today. After that it is necessary
to think of our earning ability and our ability to get results. (Source:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Acceptance---7-Ways-to-Improve&id=1791798)
Once we have completed the list of all the things we can do
and accomplish with our unique skills and talents, then we should list all the
future possibilities for ourselves. We can start by setting short, medium, and
long range goals and make plans to move step-by-step, progressively toward
their realization. There are a variety of things we can do, every single day,
to improve our level of self-acceptance such as picking a role model, someone
we admire and look up to and want to be like. Many business people and
entrepreneurs have risen to the top of their field by selecting role models who
had already achieved the level of success they themselves wanted to achieve.
Everything we do that we feel is consistent with what someone we admire would
do increases our level of self-acceptance.
Developing good work habits will raise our level of
self-acceptance. We need to always work efficiently and effectively toward the
accomplishment of high-value results. Our image has an important impact on our
level of self-acceptance. We should always be aware of the way we appear to
other people. Everything we do or say to another person rebounds and causes the
same effect on us. Whenever we are warm, friendly, and courteous to another
person, we can improve our own level of self-respect and self-acceptance.
Whenever we do something nice for another person, we tend to feel better about
ourselves. One of the greatest riches of life is having a high level of
self-acceptance that leads to maximum performance in everything we do. By doing
something every day to raise our level of self-acceptance, we should
confidently move forward toward the realization of your full potential.
(Source: http://ginigrey.com/LoveBug/increasing-self-acceptance
Determinants of Self-Acceptance / What Determines Our Self-Acceptance
In general similar to self-esteem, as children we're able to
accept ourselves only to the degree we feel accepted by our parents. Research
has demonstrated that before the age of eight, we lack the ability to formulate
a clear, separate sense of self--that is, other than that which has been
transmitted to us by our caretakers. So if our parents were unable, or
unwilling, to communicate the message that we were totally okay and
acceptable--independent, that is, of our hard-to-control, sometimes errant behaviors--we
were primed to view ourselves ambivalently. The positive regard we received
from our parents may have depended almost totally on how we acted, and
unfortunately we learned that many of our behaviors weren't acceptable to them.
So, identifying ourselves with these objectionable behaviors, we inevitably
came to see ourselves as in many ways inadequate.
Additionally, adverse parental evaluation can, and
frequently does, go far beyond disapproving specific behaviors. For example,
parents may transmit to us the overall message that we're selfish--or not
attractive enough, smart enough, good or "nice" enough . . . and so
on. As a result of what most mental health professionals would agree reflects a
subtle form of emotional abuse, almost all of us come to regard ourselves as
only conditionally acceptable. In consequence, we learn to regard many aspects
of our self negatively, painfully internalizing feelings of rejection we too
often experienced at the hands of overly critical parents. And this tendency toward
self-criticism is at the heart of most of the problems that, as adults, we
unwittingly create for ourselves.
In other words, given how the human psyche operates, it's
almost impossible not to parent ourselves similarly to how we were parented
originally. If our caretakers dealt with us in a hurtful manner, as adults
we'll find all kinds of ways to perpetuate that unresolved pain onto ourselves.
If we were frequently ignored, berated, blamed, chastised, or physically
punished, we'll somehow contrive to continue this self-indignity. So when
(figuratively, at least) we "beat ourselves up," we're typically just
following our parents' lead. Having to depend so much on them when we were
young--and thus experiencing little authority to actually question their mixed
verdict on us--we felt pretty much obliged to accept their negative appraisals
as valid. This is hardly to say that they constantly put us down. But,
historically, it's well-known that parents are far more likely to let us know
when we do something that bothers them than to acknowledge us for our more
positive, pro-social behaviors.
In fully comprehending our current reservations about
ourselves, we also need to add the disapproval and criticism we may have been
received from siblings, other relatives, teachers--and, especially, our peers,
who (struggling with their own self-doubts) could hardly resist making fun of
our frailties whenever we innocently "exposed" them. At any rate,
it's safe to assume that almost all of us enter adulthood afflicted with a
certain negative bias. We share a common tendency to blame ourselves, or to see
ourselves as in some way defective. It's as though we all, to whatever degree,
suffer from the same chronic "virus" of self-doubt.
How Do We Become More Self-Accepting
Accepting ourselves unconditionally (despite our
deficiencies) would have been almost automatic had our parents conveyed a
predominantly positive message about us--and, additionally, we grew up in a
generally supportive environment. But if that really wasn't the case, we need
on our own to learn how to "certify" ourselves, to validate our
essential ok-ness. And I'm hardly suggesting that independently confirming
ourselves has anything to do with becoming complacent--only that we get over
our habit of constantly judging ourselves. If deep within us we're ever to
experience, as our normal state of being, personal fulfillment and peace of
mind, we must first rise to the challenge of complete, unqualified
self-acceptance.
As Robert Holden puts it in his book Happiness
Now!"Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of
self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance
you have, the more happiness you'll allow yourself to accept, receive and
enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you're worthy
of [emphasis added]."
Perhaps more than anything else, cultivating self-acceptance
requires that we develop more self-compassion. Only when we can better
understand and pardon ourselves for things that earlier we assumed must be all
our fault can we secure the relationship to self that till now has eluded us.
To adopt a more loving stance toward ourselves--the key
prerequisite for self-acceptance--we must come to realize that till now we've
pretty much felt obliged to demonstrate our worth to others, just as initially
we concluded that we had to submit to the judgmental authority of our
caretakers. Our approval-seeking behaviors since then (misguided or not) have
simply reflected the legacy of our parents' conditional love.
Undertaking such a heartfelt exploration of what I'd call
our well-nigh "universal plight" almost inevitably generates
increased self-compassion. And it's through this compassion that we can learn
to like ourselves more, and to view ourselves as deserving of love and respect
by very "virtue" of our willingness to confront (and struggle
against) what previously we've found so difficult to accept about ourselves.
In a sense, we all bear "conditional-love scars"
from the past. We're all among the ranks of the "walking wounded."
And this recognition of our common humanity can help inspire in us not only
feelings of habitually-withheld kindness and goodwill toward ourselves but
toward others as well.
To become more self-accepting, we must start by telling
ourselves (repeatedly and-- hopefully--with ever-increasing conviction) that
given all of our negatively biased self-referencing beliefs, we've done the
best we possibly could. In this light, we need to re-examine residual feelings of
guilt, as well as our many self-criticisms and put-downs. We must ask ourselves
specifically what it is we don't accept about ourselves and, as agents of our
own healing, bring compassion and understanding to each aspect of
self-rejection or -denial. By doing so, we can begin to dissolve exaggerated
feelings of guilt and shame based on standards that simply didn't mirror what
could realistically be expected of us at the time.
The famous French expression, "Tout comprendre, c'est
tout excuser" (literally, "to understand all is to pardon all")
is a dictum that we ought to apply at least as much to ourselves as to others.
For the more we can grasp just why in the past we were compelled to act in a
particular way, the more likely we'll be able both to excuse ourselves for this
behavior and avoid repeating it in the future.
Becoming more self-accepting necessitates that we begin to
appreciate that, ultimately, we're not really to blame for anything--whether
it's our looks, intelligence, or any of our more questionable behaviors. Our
actions have all been compelled by some combination of background and biology.
Going forward, we certainly can--and in most cases, should--take responsibility
for ways we've hurt or mistreated others. But if we're to productively work on
becoming more self-accepting, we must do so with compassion and forgiveness in
our hearts. We need to realize that, given our internal programming up to that
point, we could hardly have behaved differently.
To take ourselves off the hook and gradually evolve to a
state of unconditional self-acceptance, it's crucial that we adopt an attitude
of "self-pardon" for our transgressions (whether actual or
perceived). In the end, we may even come to realize that there's nothing to
forgive. For regardless of what we may have concluded earlier, we were, in a
sense, always innocent--doing the best we could, given (1) what was innate (or
hard-wired) in us, (2) how compelling our needs (and feelings) were at the
time, and (3) what, back then, we believed about ourselves.
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Acceptance
Though related, self-acceptance is not the same as
self-esteem. Whereas self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or
worthwhile, we see ourselves; self-acceptance alludes to a far more global
affirmation of self. When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace all
facets of ourselves--not just the positive, more "esteem-able" parts.
As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can
recognize our weaknesses, limitations, and foibles, but this awareness in no
way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves.
In therapy, if they genuinely want to improve their
self-esteem, they need to explore what parts of themselves they're not yet able
to accept. For, ultimately, liking ourselves more (or getting on better terms
with ourselves) has mostly to do with self-acceptance. And it's only when we
stop judging ourselves that we can secure a more positive sense of who we are.
Which is why I believe self-esteem rises naturally as soon as we cease being so
hard on ourselves. And it's precisely because self-acceptance involves far more
than self-esteem that I see it as crucial to our happiness and state of well-being.
Self-acceptance and
self-concept
Self-concept is the total picture of how an individual
perceives or understands him or herself, his or her attributes, and how an
individual perceives others’ perceptions of him or her (Meggert, 2004; Rice and
Dolgin, 2005; Schunk, 2000). Self-acceptance refers to an individual's
satisfaction or happiness with himself, and is thought to be necessary for good
mental health. Shepard (1979) On the other hand, There are three component of
self-concept as such as ) Cognitive Component; (2) Affective or Evaluative
Component & (3) Behavioral Component. Self-acceptance is the evaluative
component of the self-concept construct. (L. A. Shepard, 1983), Cognitive Component indicates that the child
develops his self concept through identification, internalization. The child
learns to evaluate all things of the environment as right or wrong and good or
bad through the affective component and behavioral component is built through
the proper adjustment of the child with his environment. Source:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-concept
In fine it can be said that Self-acceptance refers to
affirmation or acceptance of self in spite of weaknesses or deficiencies.
Actually, it involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective,
awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's
feeling about himself that he is of "unique worth".
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